3 reasons why happiness seems so elusive, and what to do about it

Photo by Ramille Soares on Unsplash

If you’re like most people, chances are, you think don’t like to feel bad. Of course, there ARE exceptions. But, I think we can all agree that if we had to choose, we’d want to feel happy ALL the time, right? I’m not even talking about jumping off the walls with enthusiasm, but just peacefully content.

In the spiritual community, I’ve noticed lots of people falling into this idea that light is GOOD, and dark is BAD. Wanted and unwanted. Positive means you’re more enlightened, and negative means you’re “low vibrational”, a vibe killer, or possibly even an energy “vampire”.

To add insult to injury, we might have even been led to believe that if we hit below a certain threshold, then we are condemned by some non-physical deity or collective that is somehow going to cast us aside like yesterday’s leftovers. Left to fend for ourselves in a pit of other low-vibers, for all eternity.

But, consider this. We live in a dualistic society. One where we couldn’t even know the light, if we didn’t know the dark. In this way, it becomes a blessed gift.

Perhaps, the dark lets us know there are options. And helps us explore the options that would have previously been unknown. For example, we may become empowered to seek solutions that may have escaped our awareness. It may spark creativity for developing new, innovative solutions.

One of my favorite quotes from Albus Dumbledore of the Harry Potter series says this:

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” 


How does one “turn on the light”? Well, that’s the fun part. YOU get to decide. In this world of free will, what if we are actually free to explore the dark, so we can consciously choose that light and what it means for us individually? And if we do choose the dark on occasion, are we any less worthy of love? Is the dark truly out to “get us”? A looming threat to our very existence, to be stamped out forevermore?

Consider this. Have you ever had a moment in your life where you did something and felt shame, guilt, or regret?

The very fact that you could even feel those emotions, is indicative of the fact that you ARE in fact, good. Even in your expression of what you might consider to be “dark” traits, you still woke up the next day to air in your lungs, the sun shining down on you, and access to beautiful landscapes in nature. The trees or the ocean have no judgment to offer you. Only support, oxygen, and breathtaking beauty.

How’s that for unconditionally loved?

Why Is Happiness So Hard to Find?

1. For starter’s, it’s actually dangerous to your psyche and mindset to think you need to be happy ALL the time. 

In a world of “good vibes only”, what you end up doing unknowingly, is setting yourself up for failure. Because you’re human! And not so good vibes? That’s part of being human too. 

2. Another less known fact though, is what you resist, persists. This is why wars have never caused peace. It just leads to someone becoming a bigger bully. That’s what the arms race was all about. 

3. Third, no one can bring “bad” vibes to you. Let me repeat that: no one can bring “bad vibes to you!

So you’re human and you’re imperfect and you’re gonna have ugly moments. Welcome to the club. Embrace it. Own it. And love yourself anyway. Because you have beautiful moments too. And I may not know you personally, but I bet you’ve had way more beautiful moments than ugly ones. In fact, let’s try calling them “human moments”. Nothing is ugly about being human. As long as you’re aware of wanting to become a better person, you’re already ahead of the game. Trust the process. Trust yourself. Know that you’ve got this. 

Now, go live. You imperfectly, unconditionally loved human. ❤ 

Kiara D. Perkins

I have a passion for helping people get clear on who they are, and what they want, so they can get the life they desire. I help you create a vision for yourself and develop confidence and conviction by positive scripting. So take responsibility, create a vision for your life, and allow yourself to receive it!


  1. Very informative blog. Really thank you! Much obliged. Maegan Pepe Osber

  2. There is definately a lot to find out about this topic. I love all the points you have made. Kalila Georgy Mears

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